Personal Development

Review: Rising Strong

Cover of "Rising Strong," featuring dark blue text on a light blue and white background
Image from Brene Brown

Title: Rising Strong: The Reckoning, the Rumble, the Revolution

Author: Brené Brown

Genre: Personal Development

Trigger Warnings: None

Back Cover:

Social scientist Brené Brown has ignited a global conversation on courage, vulnerability, shame, and worthiness. Her pioneering work uncovered a profound truth: Vulnerability—the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of outcome—is the only path to more love, belonging, creativity, and joy. But living a brave life is not always easy: We are, inevitably, going to stumble and fall.

It is the rise from falling that Brown takes as her subject in Rising Strong. As a grounded theory researcher, Brown has listened as a range of people—from leaders in Fortune 500 companies and the military to artists, couples in long-term relationships, teachers, and parents—shared their stories of being brave, falling, and getting back up. She asked herself, What do these people with strong and loving relationships, leaders nurturing creativity, artists pushing innovation, and clergy walking with people through faith and mystery have in common? The answer was clear: They recognize the power of emotion and they’re not afraid to lean in to discomfort.

Walking into our stories of hurt can feel dangerous. But the process of regaining our footing in the midst of struggle is where our courage is tested and our values are forged. Our stories of struggle can be big ones, like the loss of a job or the end of a relationship, or smaller ones, like a conflict with a friend or colleague. Regardless of magnitude or circumstance, the rising strong process is the same: We reckon with our emotions and get curious about what we’re feeling; we rumble with our stories until we get to a place of truth; and we live this process, every day, until it becomes a practice and creates nothing short of a revolution in our lives. Rising strong after a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness. It’s the process, Brown writes, that teaches us the most about who we are.

Review Trigger Warning: Death mention

Review:

You may (or may not) recall me mentioning this book and how I discovered in in my review of Daring Greatly, another of Brené Brown’s books. After finishing the awesomeness that was Daring Greatly, I was thrilled to find Rising Strong as an audiobook, too.

The actual book part of the book was pretty short, which normally would annoy me but this time it didn’t. Brené starts with outlining the process she’s determined for how to “rise strong” after a fall or emotional setback. The process is actually the subtitle of the book:

  1. The Reckoning (recognizing you’re feeling an emotion and getting curious about why)
  2. The Rumble (letting yourself feel that emotion and deal with it)
  3. The Revolution (distilling the “key learning(s)” from your experience and becoming a better person)

She devotes about half the book to talking about those and how you do them, and the other half to examples. Which was actually a really good idea, because the process can look different for different people in different situations, and sometimes it’s just plain hard to recognize. She uses both her own examples and the examples of other people, which is cool.

She also introduced some other really cool concepts, like the Shitty (or Stormy) First Draft to help you “rumble” with emotions, and brought her research on shame into a lot of it. (I’m just going to have to read the rest of her books to find out more about her research.)

I can actually say one thing about this book that I haven’t been able to say about any of the other self-help books I’ve reviewed here – this process works. While I was reading (well, listening) to this book, a friend of mine died. And working through the process that Brené outlines in this book helped a lot with dealing with the emotions from that.

Overall, this book is amazing and it works. I definitely plan to make my fiance read it. And it’s one of the few books that I actually plan to buy and keep on my shelf and reread periodically.

Advertisements
Personal Development

Review: The Power of Habit

Cover of "The Power of Habit," featuring red text on a yellow background and black human silhouettes running on a red hamster wheel
Image from Charles Duhigg

Title: The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do

Author: Charles Duhigg

Genre: Self-Help/Personal Development

Trigger Warnings: Descriptions of medical procedures (surgery)

Back Cover:

In The Power of Habit, Pulitzer Prize–winning business reporter Charles Duhigg takes us to the thrilling edge of scientific discoveries that explain why habits exist and how they can be changed. Distilling vast amounts of information into engrossing narratives that take us from the boardrooms of Procter & Gamble to sidelines of the NFL to the front lines of the civil rights movement, Duhigg presents a whole new understanding of human nature and its potential. At its core, The Power of Habit contains an exhilarating argument: The key to exercising regularly, losing weight, being more productive, and achieving success is understanding how habits work. As Duhigg shows, by harnessing this new science, we can transform our businesses, our communities, and our lives.

Review:

I picked this up for several reasons:

  1. It was an audiobook and I needed a new audiobook to listen to on my morning commute
  2. That library branch’s selection of audiobooks is pretty extensive but mostly religious
  3. I had a vague feeling that I’d seen it somewhere before and that maybe it was on my to-read list (I checked later, it wasn’t)

But either way, I picked it up and listened to it, and I’m glad I did.

The concept is really fascinating. Charles breaks down habits – how they form, why they form, and how you can change them, looking at psychology and research. And it all made a whole lot of sense.

There are three parts to the book. The first one is on individual habits. This is where Charles lays the foundation for the book – the cue-action-reward sequence that forms habits, how habits can be changed by recognizing cues, changing the action, and getting the same reward, and examples of everything from recovering alcoholics to weight loss to stopping smoking. This part was immensely valuable, completely fascinating, and, best of all, backed up by science (including psychology and neurology).

The second part, on corporate habits, wasn’t quite as good. Sure, it had its interesting facts, but it felt more illustrative than prescriptive – by that point we already know the framework, so it seemed more like it was just using examples to explain how habits work inside companies. Which wasn’t necessarily bad – it just felt like a downgrade after how awesome part one was. Although if I were a business leader, I might find this part more valuable than I did.

The third part, societal habits, is where the book really started to fall apart. It never really explained what a “societal habit” looked like, and with a lot of his examples – like the Montgomery Bus Boycotts – it felt like it was really stretching to make habits the root cause. You don’t learn much that’s useful and there’s not really a good way to apply it to anything.

And as a rather irritating aside, Charles has a habit of jumping between examples – spend a few minutes with this guy, then jump to this lady over here, then this other guy, and now we’re back with the first guy’s story … It all made coherent sense and the transitions weren’t bad, it just got on my nerves because I kept thinking an example was done and nope! We’ll come back in two chapters or so.

Overall, this is an incredibly useful book. Even if you get nothing out of parts 2 and 3, part 1 is valuable enough that it’s still completely worth the read (or listen, in my case). And if you decide to read it and completely skip part 3, I won’t blame you.

Personal Development

Review: Daring Greatly

Cover of "Daring Greatly," featuring a gray background with sideways text that transitions from yellow to green to blue
Image from Brene Brown

Title: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

Author: Brené Brown

Genre: Personal Development

Trigger Warnings: None

Back Cover:

Every day we experience the uncertainty, risks, and emotional exposure that define what it means to be vulnerable or to dare greatly. Based on twelve years of pioneering research, Dr. Brené Brown dispels the cultural myth that vulnerability is weakness and argues that it is, in truth, our most accurate measure of courage.

Brown explains how vulnerability is both the core of difficult emotions like fear, grief, and disappointment, and the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, empathy, innovation, and creativity. She writes: “When we shut ourselves off from vulnerability, we distance ourselves from the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives.”

Daring Greatly is not about winning or losing. It’s about courage. In a world where “never enough” dominates and feeling afraid has become second nature, vulnerability is subversive. Uncomfortable. It’s even a little dangerous at times. And, without question, putting ourselves out there means there’s a far greater risk of getting criticized or feeling hurt. But when we step back and examine our lives, we will find that nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous, and hurtful as standing on the outside of our lives looking in and wondering what it would be like if we had the courage to step into the arena—whether it’s a new relationship, an important meeting, the creative process, or a difficult family conversation. Daring Greatly is a practice and a powerful new vision for letting ourselves be seen.

Review:

I first heard of Brené Brown at the 2016 Global Leadership Summit, where she did a speech on vulnerability and communication. It was far and away my favorite speech in the whole two-day event. Daring Greatly and another of her books, Rising Strong, were both on sale at the Summit bookstore – I didn’t buy either of them, but I put them both on my reading list. Cut to now, a year later, and I found Daring Greatly as an audiobook that I could listen to on the way to work.

You know those books where the author is talking about something you shouldn’t do and you think, oh, I don’t do that, but then the book keeps smacking you in the face until you realize that you actually do? Yeah, this was one of those books. With several different concepts.

But the good part is, this book doesn’t just smack you with how you’re screwing up – it provides ideas, tips, suggestions, and ways you can practice being better and living more authentically. Which is the second thing I love about this book. It’s so practical. Coming from an academic researcher, you might expect otherwise, but this is no theoretical construct – well, it is, but there’s also practical steps and commitments and ways to apply the theory. (I have a huge Thing about information being practical, so that gave it major points.)

It’s also super encouraging. The whole book is full of hope and “you can do this” and all the ways life is going to be so much better and real awesome when you’re vulnerable.

Brené is open about her struggles with these concepts. She shares her failures, screw-ups, and moments she just plain could have done better. Which makes this book feel a lot more real. Brené isn’t preaching at you, she’s leading you, saying, “I figured this out and here’s how it’s changed my life – here’s how it can change yours, too.” And I think that’s great.

A review really can’t do justice to this book and the hope and advice and vulnerability contained in it. It’s great advice for relationships. It’s great advice for parenting. It’s great advice for leading. It’s great advice for life, really. And as I listened, I realized that one of the reasons my fiance and I have such a great relationship is because we’d unconsciously discovered a lot of these principles.

Seriously, read this book. And maybe buy copies for other people. I know I intend to make my fiance read (or listen to) it at some point.

Environment and Relationships

Review: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

The cover of "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up," featuring red text on a background of a blue sky with clouds
Image from Marie Kondo

Title: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Author: Marie Kondo

Genre: Self-Help/Environment and Relationships

Trigger warnings: None

Back Cover:

Japanese organizational consultant Marie Kondo takes tidying to a whole new level, promising that if you properly declutter your home once, you’ll never have to do it again. Whereas most methods advocate a room-by-room or little-by-little approach, the KonMari Method’s category-by-category, all-at-once prescription leads to lasting results. In fact, none of Kondo’s clients have been repeat customers (and she still has a three-month waiting list of new customers!). With detailed guidance for every type of item in the household, this quirky little manual from Japan’s newest lifestyle phenomenon will help readers clear their clutter and enjoy the unique magic of a tidy home–and the calm, motivated mindset it can inspire.

Review:

I’ve heard a lot about this book in organizing circles – a lot of people recommend the KonMari Method for organizing, there are a lot of articles on using the KonMari method on closets/kitchens/etc., and in general it’s had a pretty high profile. And since I actually really enjoy cleaning and organizing (odd, I know), when I found this as an audiobook at the library, I snatched it up to listen to on my commute.

If I had to pick one word for this book, it would be: Inspiring.

Admittedly, I love organizing anyway. But something about the way Marie Kondo laid out the method she developed was inspiring. She detailed her experience with organizing, all the mistakes she made and the good ideas she found, and how she developed her method. She also gave a lot of examples from clients she’s worked with and how her method has helped them. So the KonMari method has a very practical foundation.

But it was really the method itself that was the most fascinating. Mainly because it’s so simple. The entire premise is “keep things that bring you joy, discard things that don’t.” There’s some more to it, and Ms. Kondo goes into a lot of detail and explains specifically how it should be done – including what order you should go through your things in – but she promises that even if you’re the laziest person in the world, none of her clients have ever recluttered their house and you won’t either.

There was one weird part about this book, though – the personification of things and places. Ms. Kondo focuses a lot on how sad and dejected unused items feel, how thanking items for their use makes them happier and therefore last longer, methods for helping your items rest and relax … basically treating them like people. She also talks a lot about how your house knows how much stuff should be in it and each item knows how it should be stored. Maybe that’s a Japanese thing, but as a westerner, I found it cool, but a little odd.

The main result of listening to this book for me was that I wanted to go home immediately and organize everything – and if 95% of my stuff wasn’t in boxes right now, I would have. (As it is, my epic organizing binge will have to wait until the plumbing in our new house is fixed and we can move in and get everything out of boxes.) I honestly plan on buying this book just so I can read through it a couple more times – the information in it is so useful, interesting, and inspiring. It’s definitely worth all the hype I’ve been seeing!